BREE

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I started my journey, probably after I dropped out of college, but I always knew I was meant to be a girl.

Like even when I was little I would like pray and wish before I went to sleep that I would wake up as a girl. Even my mom would catch me putting on makeup, or her heels sometimes. More than once. And now, it’s kinda coming true, so that’s a good thing! I would say [I’m] a straight trans female, just because I’m still in that transition phase of becoming a female. I feel like once I’ve completed everything that I want to there will be no “trans” anymore. I’ll just be female. 

So yeah, after I dropped out of college, I was living with one of my cousins who was super supportive and open-minded. She helped me experiment with hair and makeup and that’s when I kinda started wearing girls clothes. That’s when I was about 19, and then I turned 20, and I had my own job and had my own money. [That’s] when I decided officially that I was gonna make the transition to become a woman. It kinda felt like, it just right, it’s what I should’ve been doing all along. I just didn’t want to be shunned by my family at first.

I’m fortunate to say that I haven’t had it that hard.

Like I’ve seen other trans girls have it much harder because they aren’t as “passable” I guess you could say. Like, they have it really hard. They can’t get jobs and so they resort to like, sex jobs or prostitution just to survive, which just breaks my heart. It just sucks, because it’s not their fault. It’s just the way they are. Like, do you think I would want this life? No. Like, who would just choose this life? Who would want to be forced to feel like they need to alter their bodies just to feel like who they [know] they are? No one would want to do that. But I mean, I was born a boy, but I’m actually a girl so I’m doing what I can. I mean, I’m [at least] just so glad that I live in a time where there is hormone therapy and technology where I can actually, you know, reassign my sex.

Actually, when I first told my mom she had a negative reaction and freaked out, which I can understand.

She kicked me out of our house, and then I went to go live with one of my friends. But then after a few days of her like, sitting on it, she kinda was like, “What the fuck am I doing, why am I treating my child this way?” When my mom kicked me out and I was forced to be on my own, that’s when all the boy stuff was gone and I finally got to be “Bree.” That was ironically a really high point in my journey. I got to build my little wardrobe I have going on. My whole wardrobe is just dresses, and skirts, and sparkles now. So, all my little kid life, I fantasized as being a glam girl. And [I realized] I am my mom’s child for sure. We are the same person, she is super, super glam [too]. That’s where it came from for sure.

I’ve read other people’s stories about how they’ve come out [as trans] to their parents, and their parents describe it as them feeling like they lost their son or daughter. Maybe that’s why my mom reacted the way she did at first. She felt like she lost who she thought was her son, but I’m still here. At first she just couldn’t accept it. Like there was this time I was living with her and I tried to tell her who I was, and she went through my closet and just took all of my girls clothes away. I felt like dying for sure. I felt like a piece of nothing. At that time, my clothes were kind of my identity. Those clothes were my everything, they were how I expressed myself.

I felt like those clothes were me, and when she took them away I felt like I had to be this person that she wanted to be, who I was just not. And I remember just feeling like I didn’t want to be alive anymore. But luckily, I got through it.

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So, she called me and she apologized and asked me to come back home but I never did.

But ever since then, I’ve considered myself to be super fortunate to have such a supportive family. We’ve worked through everything, fortunately, just because our love for one another is so strong. Like everyone in my family loves me and supports me and they call “Bree” and “she” other than “Brian”, which was my given name. They don’t call me “he” anymore. I’m a woman now and not a guy. It’s honestly just liberating.

I feel very blessed in that sense, that I have a supportive family because a lot of trans or gay people or just people in the LGBTQ community do not have supportive families--they get disowned or shunned.  

[I'm] in a relationship, his name is John. We met online on this app called “OKCupid”. He says that we talked one time before we started talking this last time, but like, a year or two ago and he said I like, just completely blew him off. Oops! And then this last time we started talking around I think, September or October and then we went on our first date October 14th, and then the rest is history! We haven’t even been together a year, but we found love honestly just really fast. Honestly, for a really long time, I didn’t think it [falling in love] would ever happen. Like there was a point where I almost gave up. It was right before I met John. I felt like I would never find someone, I felt like a fetish. Just some kind of sex object that guys wanted. But I don’t feel like that anymore [with John].

I feel cherished and loved, as everyone should. That was definitely a high point.

[He identifies as a] straight male.]

It feels right, I mean, I don’t really have much else to say [how being with a straight male] feels, other than it feels right. I feel comfortable. Sometimes, I can get a little insecure about like, um, like things during sex and things like that, just because I myself don’t really feel 100 percent woman yet. But the thing about him is he does make me feel comfortable and 100 percent woman. He treats me really good.

My journey has made me such a strong person.

It’s unbelievable how much I’ve changed since when I first started my transition to now. Like before I was just self conscious and had no confidence whatsoever. I let people push me around. Now, becoming the person I am, I just feel like a sexy, independent, female. I would love to be a helping voice or just be there for people. Even if it’s just makeup tips on how to like, make them feel prettier. Everyone is strong, they just have to find it. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and know that your life matters. You’re beautiful no matter what you identify as or who you are. No matter what anyone thinks of you, you’re beautiful. 

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